Little Miss Perfect

I'm a born homemaker. It's the only job I've ever had that I've truly loved, and felt good at.
While some people lust after Louboutin shoes and Prada handbags, I lust after Kitchenaid mixers and AGAs. While some people read Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire, I read Country Living and Good Food. My role models are not movie stars and entrepreneurs, they're TV chefs and crafters.
I've always had this idyllic vision of being not just any housewife, but the best damn housewife EVER.
So much so, that I even once put "Domestic Goddess" down as my occupation on a loan application.
And the bank lent me £10k. They were very irresponsible lenders in those days.

However, I've noticed the following discrepancies between my dream life, and reality...

1) Clothing and sewing

THE DREAM:  All of our clothes are made from scratch. Anything my family wants to wear can be whipped up in seconds, using my trusty sewing machine and any random combination of recycled fabrics.
"Ooooh, I love your unique outfit! So unusual and stunning!"
"Oh, this old thing? I just made it seconds before I came out, using a pair of old curtains from the charity shop!"
"Wow! You're so clever!"
"Oh, now, you're too kind!"

THE REALITY: Sewing is complicated. And HARD. It takes an hour to drag everything out of the cupboard, set it up, and thread the needle, by which time Amelie has woken up. My sewing machine sits in the cupboard, taunting me, alongside a heap of unused sewing books, and several bags of charity shop 'finds', which are hideous, ill fitting and smell of biscuits.

2. Knitting and Crochet

THE DREAM: My house is full of quirky, handmade blankets, cushion covers and tea cosies. My kids play with jaunty knitted teddies and wear beautiful, exquisitely crafted hats, scarves and gloves. Friends and family regularly receive handmade yarn-tastic gifts.

THE REALITY: While some elements of knitting and crochet are fairly easy once you get started, it takes practice. Lots of practice, and patience. Once you've ripped out the same row eight times in a row, and said some very unladylike words, it stops being the fun, relaxing activity you had envisioned. Meh, I've got a couple of quite nice blankets and scarves, but I'm ready to hang up my hooks for a few years now.

3. Furniture

THE DREAM: My furniture is all reclaimed, recycled, upcycled and otherwise rescued, sanded down, painted and reupholstered. Each beautiful piece is one of a kind, and only cost pennies!

THE REALITY: After several years of tripping over unfinished projects, I decided to bin the lot and start again. These days, I barely even have the energy to build a flat pack.

4. Food

THE DREAM:  All of our meals are cooked from scratch, using a vast array of amazing kitchen equipment, and referring to endless amounts of cookbooks for inspiration. My greatest joy in life is meal planning and food shopping, and I'm regularly found wafting around the kitchen, surrounded by bluebirds, and whistling a cheery tune.

THE REALITY: Ok, this one is mostly true. Apart from the bluebirds, they'd poop everywhere and freak me out with their flappy wings.
Oh, and I can't whistle, but I do enjoy a belting showtune or some 80s rock ballads while cooking.

5. Grocery Shopping

THE DREAM: All of our food/toileteries/cleaning products are organic, locally produced, ethically sourced, environmentally friendly and/or foraged from an enchanted forest and/or blessed by vegan unicorns (local ones, of course).

THE REALITY: I shop at Asda. I don't feel good about it. In fact, this is one thing I am willing to work on, starting with a regular bulk meat order from the local butcher, and day trips to local fruit/veg farms, with maybe a monthly order of basic staples from the supermarket.

...and so on. I recently decided that actually, if I was given the choice to sell everything and go and live on a houseboat, I would. This ideal image of the perfect "simple life", where everything is homemade, is a myth.
In an attempt to perpetuate this "simple" ideal, we end up complicating our lives beyond belief.
The truth is, it's hard enough just keeping our heads above water in terms of keeping on top of the laundry pile, the neverending piles of kids' stuff, and coping with baby groups, cheerleading, scouts etc. If I ever get a minute's peace, all I really want to do if flop on the sofa with my husband and have a giggle.
The best times we've ever had have included properly simple things - rock pools, stone circles, sunsets, campfires and scavenger hunts. I don't need to put myself under unnecessary pressure to always be creating, it's okay to admit I'm not perfect.
So...I've donated all those books I'll never read to the library, I've given away all my knitting/crochet stuff and I'm selling my sewing machine.
You know what? It feels GREAT.

PLEASE NOTE: If you create things, and enjoy it, good for you. This is in no way a pop at people who do these activities, and in an ideal world, I'd still love to make everything on Pinterest, but for now, I've taken my foot off the pedal and decided to chill out. If you want to make me something, please do ;) xxx

Would you like some guilt with your coffee?

It's Friday, yay!
This week has been a challenge. In fact, let me put a capital letter on that, just to illustrate how big a challenge it's been, This week has been A Challenge. There. Do you get it now? Good.

Amelie is Teething. Note the capital letter there. This kid doesn't do things by half.  While the average age for cutting their first tooth is around 8-10 months, Amelie got her first tooth at 9 weeks. She got her second tooth at 12 weeks.
This week, she got 4 teeth in as many days. I'm not showing off, the poor baby has been in AGONY. I'd have happily waited longer for this particular milestone.
We've had the works - drooling, biting, a nose so full of snot, she can't breathe, and ends up coughing, choking and vomiting yellow mucus. She's had the diarrhoea, the severe, bum bleeding nappy rash, the soul piercing screams, the endless days and even more endless nights of rocking, shushing, comforting and holding.
And yet, she manages a smile, a coo, a "Da-da-da", and it's all worthwhile.
Sometimes, I've been so bone crushingly tired by mornings, it's been all I could do just to drag myself out of bed at 8am, get the bare minimum of morning stuff done, and drop the kids at school without even getting out of the car, because I'm still in my pyjamas and have't even washed Amelie's face. Then I get home and give her a boob, before crashing back into bed with her in the hope that she'll sleep even for half an hour.  Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Then there's Charlie. He's been ill for over a month now, with a persistent cough. It's been enough to get him sent home from school so many times, I can't remember the last time he did a full week of school. Trouble is, although he genuinely has a cough, and has been seen by a doctor, he never just goes to bed. Straight onto the computer playing minecraft, every time. Which opens up a whole new world of dilemmas...
1) Am I being too soft by letting him be off school?
2) Do the teachers think I'm cruel and uncaring by sending him into school when he's clearly ill?
3) Would it seem like punishing him for being ill, if I took away his computer use during school hours?
4) Is his education suffering because he's spending so much time off sick?
5) Does this mean he's going to turn into a truant when he's older?
6) Is he suffering socially by always being at home?
7) Am I neglecting him? Should I be spending more time with him? Is the drawing out of this illness just a cry for attention because I'm always busy doing baby things? How do I find the time to home educate him when he's off sick, in among all the other things I have to do, and the fact I've not slept in days?
And on, and on, and on. Waaaaah. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Oh, and let's not forget Daisy. Her "falling out with friends" phase has reached a peak, and every. single. day. this week, she's come home whingeing about someone. "So-and-so looked at me like THIS..." *contorts face into nasty scowl*, "So-and-so kicked me out of her club", "So-and-so is SO mean, and SO nasty, and I'm NEVER going to talk to her EVER AGAIN!!!"
And so on, for hours on end. It's driving me crazy, I know it means something to the kids, these things are always a big deal, but to me, it just looks like much ado about nothing. That is, until I've heard nothing but her voice getting louder, and louder and higher and higher pitched, for several hours, until I want to scream into a pillow. Because what happens the next day? She's best friends with them again, and falling out with someone else.
I was relaying this story to my mum yesterday, and without even looking up, she said "Maybe she just wants some attention."
Of course. Now, I know this comment wasn't in the least bit intended to make me feel guilty, but it did.
When us mums get a comment like "Maybe she just wants some attention", what we hear is "You're not giving your child enough attention, so she's resorting to falling out with everyone in order to make you stop what you're doing and help her."
And it's true, I'm living in a whirlwind of teething, sleepless nights, worrying about Charlie, and naturally, she wants in on the action. That'll explain the tantrums about friends, the extremely fussy eating she's indulging in just now, and the general constant whining. She needs me, and there's not enough of me to go around all the time. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

So anyway, being a problem solving genius, or someone who over-thinks EVERYTHING, I've decided to stop feeling guilty (or at least cut down, I don't think I can go cold turkey), and accept that dammit, I'm doing my best. It's all we can do, there will always be room for improvement, but as long as we do the best we can with the time and energy we have to spare in that given moment (and sometimes it's very little), then we're doing enough.

In the meantime, I might invest 10 minutes this afternoon by having a living room disco with the kids. It'll get me spending time with all of them at once, it'll get the endorphins flowing, it'll wake me up (because my body is becoming too used to mainlining coffee), and it'll be fun.

Take that, George Michael - who says guilty feet have got no rhythm?

Keeping it real

I know, I haven't updated this thing in, well, AGES. Amelie is now 7 months old. 7! She's practically a teenager. Look at her, standing up, all "I'm a big girl, I don't need help!". I tell thee, she'll be one to watch. She loves being independent!

So, yes, my teeny tiny baby is growing at a rate of knots, and where I previously looked back at my pregnancy with relief in a "Thank god that's over!" kind of way, now I'm weeping over people's scan photos and pregnancy announcements on facebook. Crazy, isn't it? I think that's how nature works, once a reasonable amount of time has passed (I KNOW, 7 months is not a reasonable time, just smile and nod), you start forgetting the backache and the insomnia (although HELLO, I have a baby who isn't even close to sleeping through, I'm right there with the sleepless nights), and you start "Aww"ing at those fuzzy little scan photos and remembering how awesome it is to grow a whole person inside you without even doing much.

Anyway. I digress. Teeny baby - not quite so teeny any more, but still truly amazing, she learns new things every day and it's all so exciting.

The other kids are doing fine, Daisy is in that little girl phase of falling out with friends, then making up, then falling out, then making up. I don't know if I'm coming or going with her, but it totally brings back memories of my childhood!

Charlie has reached full Tweendom - that awkward, in between phase of not being a child, but not quite a teenager. He lives for Minecraft, to the point where I'm seriously considering taking the power cable from his computer and hiding it under my mattress at night. He'd seriously play that game all night long if I let him.

So yes, I have plenty keeping me going, which I guess is the main reason I haven't been blogging, but must make more time for it.

Lots of changes coming up in the next few months - we are currently saving to move to another house...much as we love living here, our family  is busy and chaotic, and sometimes it's just too much, too many people under one roof, too many animals, too much noise. Plus, we're independent people, we'd like to live in a house that we've chosen, and have a fresh start bringing our family up in a house that neither of us have lived in before.

I've also applied to train as a Humanist Celebrant, initially doing funerals, but hoping to eventually conduct weddings and naming ceremonies as well.

Onwards and upwards!

Must get back into writing again, I constantly have ideas for things I'd like to write about, and as much as I'd like to whine that I just never get the chance (which I often don't), it's a case of making time.

Anyway - that's it. I'm back woo hoo! Hopefully the next post will be slightly more inspiring than this one - we are in the middle of a teething rollercoaster at the moment and my sleep deprived brain can't think of anything terribly interesting or witty to write, but the important thing is to keep on keeping on, and hope that you'll keep on keeping on with me.

You will, won't you?

24 hours in the life of a crazy mama

Just to show you I'm not always an irritatingly cheerful ray of sunshine, here's a rundown of my last 24 hours ;)

Wednesday, 8am: Feeling rubbish. The cold that floored everyone yesterday has caught up with me, so while everyone else is back to work/school, I'm tired and ratty. Gotta keep on keeping on though, engage positive mindset :)

Wednesday, 9am: Dropped kids off at school, and am heading back to my car which is parked in a street opposite the school (the school car park is tiny and always full). Am confronted by Angry Resident, who informs me that, despite the fact I'm not blocking anyone's drive and there are no yellow lines, he's "reported me to the police" for using his street (yes, apparently he owns the entire street) as a car park, and that maybe in future I should "get off that lazy arse and walk the kids to school instead of parking in HIS street". He ends this pleasant exchange by letting me know that if I even THINK about parking in HIS street again, he'll be "waiting" for me.

Now. In a better frame of mind, I might have informed him that, unlike 90% of the school parents, I don't live within a decent walking distance, and legally, I have every right to park where I like.

In my tired, frazzled, feeling rubbish frame of mind, however, I mumbled a lot of apologies, got into my car and burst into big snotty tears.

Wednesday, 9.15am: Get home, relay story to my mum, and continue to pour snot and tears everywhere. Never mind, at least I have a new baby group to look forward to starting at 10am, need to get myself ready for that!

Wednesday, 10am: Dammit. Realise that we're waiting for a furniture delivery, and because it hasn't arrived yet, I have to miss the baby group. I'm gutted, because I've been waiting months to start and this was the first day. More tears. Seriously, what is WRONG with me? Maybe I'm hormonal. Maybe it's a full moon? It is nearly Halloween...

Wednesday, 11.30am: Right, that's it. I'm still feeling rubbish so have decided to treat myself to a nap. Off to put Amelie down and snooze beside her, that'll make me feel better...

Wednesday, 11.35am: No such luck. The phone rings, and it's DFS, informing me that the sofa we ordered, which isn't due for 3 weeks, is there now and must be delivered tomorrow. WHAT???

I haven't got rid of my old sofa yet! My carpet is being laid on saturday and the living room needs to be empty. A living room with not one but two sofas in it does not count as empty!

Quick stressful phone conference with husband (who is at work and not really able to talk), where we decide that the only thing we can do is chuck the old sofa in the garden, get the new one delivered into the living room, and then put it into the garden on saturday while the carpet fitter is here. What's the weather forecast for saturday? Rain. Bugger.

Wednesday, 12.30pm: Suddenly realise that we need to pay the full balance of the sofa tomorrow. We don't have enough money in the bank. Luckily, we have enough between several accounts to scrape it together, so I nip onto internet banking to juggle some funds, only to discover that when I changed my password last time, it wasn't confirmed. Old password doesn't work. New password doesn't work. Get completely locked out of internet banking after repeated failed attempts to sign in, because I'm obviously some kind of masked hacker. Baby wakes up, no housework has been done, and no money has been moved. Deep breaths, we have a baby halloween party to look forward to at 2pm, that'll cheer me up!

Wednesday, 2pm: Furniture delivery STILL hasn't arrived, so we have to miss the party. Eat lots of chocolate, which is not dairy free.

Wednesday, 3pm: Furniture arrives, just as I'm on my way out to pick up the kids. Quickly get it chucked into mum's living room and race to school. I'm late of course, the tiny car park is full and I have to park miles away (not literally of course), so as not to incur the wrath of Angry Resident, who may or may not be "waiting" for me. It's raining, blowing a gale and poor Amelie screams all the way to the school. Sigh.

Wednesday, 6pm: Drop Daisy off at school disco. Luckily, Steve arrived home just as we headed out the door, so at least I didn't have to drag Amelie out again! Phew :)

Wednesday, 11pm: After settling the kids and laughing off the disastrous day with Steve, we spend the evening watching TV and cuddling, only to remember as we head upsteair that we need to get the old sofa outside before morning. Cue dragging sofa and armchair outside n the rainy darkness. Make each other laugh with juvenile jokes about what an effort is is to squeeze such a large heavy thing out of one's back door, and how we won't be able to sit down for days...

Thursday, 7am: Daisy starts the day off beautifully with an announcement that she can't go to school (she does this at least once a week). Today, her reason was that she has a sore back. Sure, that's possible, but she can miss gym and still go to school. She insists that i pick gher up during the day and take her to the doctor. She has a real fascination with going to the doctor, ad would go every day if she could. I say no, I can treat her with painkillers, and besides, I have to go to the bank and then wait in for the sofa.

Then she goes right for the jugular..."What's more inportant, your new sofa, or your child's health?"

Ooooooh. Good one. Luckily, thanks to the power of Calpol and the mobile phone, in case of real emergencies, the sofa wins this round.

Of course, I'm riddled with mother guilt - these kids know where my most sensitive guilt buttons are, and will push them at the most effective moment. This moment was perfect, because during this conversation, I'd walked into mum's living room to feed her dogs, and squelched my bare feet into a steaming pile of chihuahua poop.

Nothing adds insult to injury like having your mothering skills questioned by a 7 year old while scraping dogshit off your bare foot...

Thursday, 10am: Having dropped the kids off (explaining to the Head Teacher that Daisy has a sore back and to phone me if there's any problems), successfully transferred money at the bank and gone home to a hot cup of coffee and a lovely baby cuddle, I'm laughing at the previous 24 hours and back to my old happy self.

There's always something, and really, sometimes, you just have to laugh!

Speaking of which, the baby has just woken up, so let the craziness resume....have a good day, and if you don't have a good day, try to see the funny side tomorrow!

Jodie xxxx

It's all in the framing

Today, I woke up and it was dark. I could tell before I even moved that it was windy and raining outside, I could hear the weather battering against my window. Bloody hell, why does it have to be so cold and miserable outside?
Although Amelie had not been too unsettled overnight, I'd woken up several times and felt like I just wasn't ready to get up yet. I knew I had to, though, the kids have school and I needed to go to the gym, the dog needed walking, and as always, I have a to-do list as long as my arm. I groaned, and in that moment, I'd have loved to dive back under the covers.
Daisy came bursting in, full of noise and any chance of an extra ten minutes in bed were shattered. It was time to get up, gah.
I always have a million demands on me, pulling me in every direction, and it's hard, and exhausting.

Hold on a minute. This doesn't sound like me! Well, although all of the above is true, my account of it would go like this...

I woke up this morning to the sound of my lovely husband getting ready for work. I smiled at him and said good morning. At the sound of my voice, my baby stirred and smiled at me. My heart filled with love and pride at the sight of her, and the tired feelings I had were shelved as I pulled her close for a morning feed.
My other daughter came bursting through the door and greeted us with her usual excitement. It was time to get up, and enjoy a new day!
Once we were all up and ready, we put on our cosy coats and hats and I took the kids to school, then kick started my day with an energetic workout to set me up for another busy day looking after my family.

Doesn't that sound better?

Autumn has hit us hard here in Aberdeen, and I can already hear people moaning about how "depressing" it is that the mornings and evenings are so much darker, the weather is so much colder, and winter is creeping in. I really think that for the most part, it's up to us whether or not to find this time of year depressing.
I actually think Autumn is my favourite season, a brilliant excuse to wear tights and boots, to make soup and go to bonfires, get excited about Christmas and look at twinkly lights.
Yes, it's cold and I'm not looking forward to scraping my car windows soon, but hey, at least I have a car and don't have to freeze!
I truly think most situations in life can be helped by the right attitude. Most of the time, we have a choice - do I let this situation annoy or upset me, or do I get on with it and find something positive?
I have lots of people telling me they don't know how I cope with three kids, three dogs, three guinea pigs and a cat, when pretty much every minute of the day someone needs something, or there's a mess being made somewhere. My answerr to that is always attitude.
I get grumpy, of course I do, but most of the time I can give myself a shake and remind myself that this is my choice - how am I going to handle it?

Have I been woken up too early, or is this a perfect opportunity to enjoy the sunrise?

Is the weather freezing and depressing, or is this a great time to dress my baby in cute wooly onesies?

Is it frustrating that I'm pinned to the sofa by two demanding girls who want attention, or is this a chance to marvel at how adorable they are together?

Am I exhausted after a long day of domestic drudgery, or am I looking forward to lighting the candles and enjoying an evening of cuddles with my husband?

Attitude, people. If there's one thing that'll get us all through a long, cold winter, it's keeping our attitudes nice and sunny. Anf if that makes me sound like a big old hippy, then I'm guilty as charged...

Have a great day!

Jodie xxx

It's been a while!

It's been HOW LONG since I last updated???

I know, I know, it's been ages! A combination of lack of computer access and lack of time has left this poor wee blog sorely neglected. It stresses me out when I don't update often, because this blog is all about those little everyday moments I want to remember, and if I don't record them there and then, they're lost.

Never mind, I'm back on it now and Amelie is getting herself into a nice little routine, so I must dedicate some time during naps to keep myself up to date.

So! Where are we? Amelie is now 17 weeks old and growing ridiculously fast - look at this for a comparison...

I know, right!!! Can I just say for the record, I am incredibly proud of myself for the fact that I'm still breastfeeding, and when I look at these pictures and know that it's my milk that's kept her going since birth, it makes me feel really chuffed. Breastfeeding was a big demon of mine, and now I adore it, so high five for the boobs! Not literally though, that would hurt...

Anyhoo, as ever, life is still flying by at 100 miles an hour, so until I get a chance to do a lengthy catch up, here's what's been rocking my world in the past month or so...

getting the kids back to school, although they're on holidays again on friday!

getting a teething girl back to sleep by giving her a hand to cuddle

family fun at the bowling alley

taking everyone along for the weekly shopping

spending time chatting together

making time to play

adoring this face

Enjoy life, and try to remember the little moments that make it all worthwhile.

Jodie xxx

Catching up

Well, we're nine weeks in and doing grand! Amelie has settled beautifully into our family, and everyone just adores her.

It's nearly the end of the summer holidays here, and it's actually gone pretty well. The kids have been good at entertaining themselves when we've been busy doing housey things/baby care, and in between, we've made a good effort to spend quality time with all of them.

Last week, we went on a family holiday to Craig Tara holiday park in Ayrshire, and it was lovely to spend some chilled out time just having fun together. There were loads of things to do, but being the outdoorsy, camping types that we are, the highlights included walking along the beach and playing cards in the caravan!

Oh, and the sunsets...

Isn't that stunning? Who needs flashy entertainment and arcades when you can sit outside and look at this!

Anyway, we're back home and Steve had another week off, so the past week has been spent trying to catch up around the house. I love it when he's home, not only do we get to spend lots of family time together, he always seems to find himself a project so that when he goes back to work, the house is always better than it was.

This time, it's the garden. One half of our garden had become a bit of a dumping ground. It was full of uneven slabs, recycling boxes, storage bunkers, the wheelie bin and some big overgrown trees. Often we would fill the wheelie bin within a week, so would end up with bin bags cluttering up the area as well.

Steve has worked wonders this week, trimming and cutting down the trees, moving the bunkers, bin and boxes, and doing endless skip runs to get rid of unwanted bits and bobs. 

Here's how it looks so far...

Those trees at the back were completely overgrown, you culdn't even see that back wall! The rest of that slabbed area was rammed full of bunkers and boxes and bins, he's done a grand job!

The next step is to flatten it all, put down grass and hopefully build a little summerhouse at the back for the kids to play in, and we will also build a stone bbq and domed bread oven, I've always wanted one of those! It'll be a beautiful place to sit on a nice evening, and perfect for Amelie to toddle about in once she's bigger.

I love how Steve takes it upon himself to think of these projects and turn our house into a home.

Before I met Steve, I'd just moved back into this house, and apart from the extension being built, there had been no major renovation work done in the house for over 20 years. The past year has been spent planning (and paying for!) our wedding and the arrival of Amelie, so now we're getting stuck into making the house the way we want it.

This will mean a lot of decluttering, a lot of decorating and a lot of building work, so we will have loads of upheaval but it'll be worth it in the end.

On monday, we have a joiner coming to make some huge changes in our living room, kitchen and hallway, so I'll blog about those as they happen.

Another big change here is the fact that I'm still dairy free, so I've discovered the world of vegan cooking, using this book...

It's by Isa Chandra Moskowitz, who runs the website Post Punk Kitchen, a truly inspirational vegan way of life! I'll be blogging plenty about this as well, it's bringing a much more xciting way of cooking and eating veggies into my life, and everything I've made so far is delicious!

Anyway, I think that's enough catching up for one day. I have a hungry baby shouting at me, so best go and feed her. Have a great day!